So...I got this invitation to join this website called Lookville and I was honestly a bit skeptical about it. I didn't really understand why I should join a social network that none of my friends were actually using...but it has been the source of quite a bit of fun for me lately.
Basically you set up a profile...only takes a few minutes. Then you post pictures of either yourself, or models in clothing, and you ask a question. Then it's posted up and anyone can view it and answer your question. It has me thinking a lot more about fashion...which is something I really really like. I think that perhaps im going to start a "Fashion Friday" where I post up things that I think are cute and fun, a new outfit I may have, and/or a makeup tutorial or something.
I get a lot of comments on my fashion all the time. I think I should share some of my stuff online. Obviously most of my stuff will be from a plus size point of view, and it won't be super on trend fashion. It will be my own brand of cool. In anycase...I can't wait to share it with you guys. First post will be on Friday.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
In an attempt to be relevant...or at least visable
I now have a web presence on Tumblr. Im still not really sure about the site, but my blog there certainly does look very cool. I like this blogspot because of the ease of post...but I think it will be cool to cross post my blogs here over to tumblr.
Anyway if you happen to be on tumblr and want to follow me, my url is http://janwicked.tumblr.com/
Follow me up...Im gonna go watch Maury Povich! YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER! hahaha
Anyway if you happen to be on tumblr and want to follow me, my url is http://janwicked.tumblr.com/
Follow me up...Im gonna go watch Maury Povich! YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER! hahaha
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Friendship
Girl world is often times tough to traverse. We have complex emotions, hormone levels that are constantly up and down, and we all expect way too much from each other. Friendships tend to ebb and flow it seems. There are the good times, the bad times, the epic nights, and the epic fights. It seems that all of these things go together to create what we know as a friendship.
Lately I have found that being a friend is much more fun for me than I could have imagined. I had a pretty epic birthday party and I was surrounded by so many amazing friends. Sure there were a few people sprinkled about that were just there to say they were there, but all in all it was a great learning experience. It encouraged me to loosen up and let people in a little bit.
I have had a lot of issues with giving too much of myself and ending up feeling burned by it. I made a commitment to myself about 4 years ago that I was going to stop giving so much and simply live my life for me. It was a 4 year long process of purging myself of toxicity. Bad girlfriends, bad habits, bad choices...all of these things that I felt were dragging my social stock down. I decided that to have good friends, and for people to like me, it was probably best if I liked myself.
Now that I am who I am today, I have been constantly working to make myself better. Can you believe that I actually have had people in my life who think that it is a character flaw that I think im a great person? Obviously these people are not a major part of my life these days. One of the things that I hadn't quite been able to work on was my tendency to kick people out of my life and not talk to them. I have flaws just like everyone, and it's really easy for me (unfortunately) to tell someone if you don't like me you can piss the fuck off...and in most cases people will do exactly that. I have recently had the opportunity to patch things up with a few people. I always look on these chances as a golden opportunity.
I patched things up with a friend of mine that I have had since I was a little girl, and I think that this opportunity came at a good time for the both of us. I have been in desperate need of a good girlfriend that is close by, and some things have been happening in her life recently as well...we both needed each other. I also kinda buried the hatchet so to speak with my...um...girlfriend?...exgirlfriend?...it's hard to say. I found out that she was pregnant and I sent her an olive branch email because I am sure that she is really nervous about it and could use someone that cares about her...and let's face it, I do care about her a lot.
Friendship is hard and it takes a lot of work...some sacrifices...some bartering...and A LOT of compromise. But isn't it just totally worth it?
Lately I have found that being a friend is much more fun for me than I could have imagined. I had a pretty epic birthday party and I was surrounded by so many amazing friends. Sure there were a few people sprinkled about that were just there to say they were there, but all in all it was a great learning experience. It encouraged me to loosen up and let people in a little bit.
I have had a lot of issues with giving too much of myself and ending up feeling burned by it. I made a commitment to myself about 4 years ago that I was going to stop giving so much and simply live my life for me. It was a 4 year long process of purging myself of toxicity. Bad girlfriends, bad habits, bad choices...all of these things that I felt were dragging my social stock down. I decided that to have good friends, and for people to like me, it was probably best if I liked myself.
Now that I am who I am today, I have been constantly working to make myself better. Can you believe that I actually have had people in my life who think that it is a character flaw that I think im a great person? Obviously these people are not a major part of my life these days. One of the things that I hadn't quite been able to work on was my tendency to kick people out of my life and not talk to them. I have flaws just like everyone, and it's really easy for me (unfortunately) to tell someone if you don't like me you can piss the fuck off...and in most cases people will do exactly that. I have recently had the opportunity to patch things up with a few people. I always look on these chances as a golden opportunity.
I patched things up with a friend of mine that I have had since I was a little girl, and I think that this opportunity came at a good time for the both of us. I have been in desperate need of a good girlfriend that is close by, and some things have been happening in her life recently as well...we both needed each other. I also kinda buried the hatchet so to speak with my...um...girlfriend?...exgirlfriend?...it's hard to say. I found out that she was pregnant and I sent her an olive branch email because I am sure that she is really nervous about it and could use someone that cares about her...and let's face it, I do care about her a lot.
Friendship is hard and it takes a lot of work...some sacrifices...some bartering...and A LOT of compromise. But isn't it just totally worth it?
Friday, May 21, 2010
I haven't posted a blog in a few days...
...and im real sorry...life has just kinda been a dull event. Not much to talk about and not a lot of feelings. I do however have a blog to post up about friendship but I am going to probably wait until later to do that.
Anyone got any B-12? I feel like ballsacks today!
Anyone got any B-12? I feel like ballsacks today!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Phuk The Politics 2
Phuk The Politics 2 was a serious blast yet again! For those of you that aren't aware of this party series yet, you seriously need to experience it for yourself. Remember the days when you could walk into a club and before the night was over you had made friendships and connections with people instead of staying stuck in your small group of friends. The day when everyone danced like nobody was watching? Maybe even the days when everything glowed and the beat pulsed, and everyone smiled at you? This is what Phuk The Politics is!
Phukheadz is the vision of Byron Brown of Jacksonville, Florida! His little orange (and sometimes multicolored) men seem to pop up in every corner of the Underground Scene and the mainstream as well. The Loyal Order of Phuk or the L.O.O.P. includes such noteables as Willie Nelson, Cheech, and Juliette Lewis. It also is a who's who of Jacksonville DJ's, Entertainers, and Club Kids alike.
When you receive your phukhead it comes in a box signed by Byron that is also numbered. Byron takes your picture and adds you to the L.O.O.P. and you are a part of a growing family of people dedicated to art and love! For more information check out the social networking pages http://www.facebook.com/phukheadz or http://www.myspace.com/phukheadz
Friday, May 14, 2010
I need a xanax...
Shit is pissing me off and I need a xanax. Ric and I were talking about escaping into the night...maybe we should...
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Woah Horoscope!
You have reached a turning point and it's up to you to decide what comes next. It's time for you to wipe the slate clean so you aren't limited by yesterday's plans. The Taurus New Moon activates your 1st House of Self, enabling you to exert a higher level of self-determination over the weeks ahead if you are willing to make a decision today. But choosing which road to take isn't enough; you must also commit to giving one hundred percent until you accomplish your goal.
That is some crazy stuff. I feel like that is exactly where I am right now. I have so much going on in my head lately that I can barely sleep. There is so much that I want to do, to see, to learn that I am in sponge mode. I feel like I have gotten to a place where I can really see my goals on the horizon and the past is all but a distant memory. A place that I can say I was...a bad place that didn't claim me!
Im actually proud of myself for what I have accomplished and for the person I am today. I get a lot of feedback these days and I am really starting to see that other people are noticing the positive changes in me.
That is some crazy stuff. I feel like that is exactly where I am right now. I have so much going on in my head lately that I can barely sleep. There is so much that I want to do, to see, to learn that I am in sponge mode. I feel like I have gotten to a place where I can really see my goals on the horizon and the past is all but a distant memory. A place that I can say I was...a bad place that didn't claim me!
Im actually proud of myself for what I have accomplished and for the person I am today. I get a lot of feedback these days and I am really starting to see that other people are noticing the positive changes in me.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
But what about my hair?
So I have this "Rainbow Brite Inspired" outfit that I am wearing to Phuk The Politics on Saturday and it's super cute...but I don't know what to do about my hair. The cool thing is that when I look at pictures of her hair, she has thin hair that curls into ringlets on the end. Which my hair does PRETTY MUCH ON IT'S OWN...so that's cool I don't need fake hair. But she also has blunt short bangs. Now I have a clip in but it's one that I made and I need a headband to cover it...
Im wondering if instead of the pony (which won't look good with the headband) I should do pigtails and put a lavender ribbon bow with a red star in the center on both sides. Then I could still have bangs and the bows will cover up the bang piece...
I don't know...I can't decide and I don't even have the bows yet cause I need to go to the craft store...and gosh I hope that they have the perfect lavender ribbon that I need. Sorry I know this post is ADD and Random but these are the lame things keeping me awake at night.
Im wondering if instead of the pony (which won't look good with the headband) I should do pigtails and put a lavender ribbon bow with a red star in the center on both sides. Then I could still have bangs and the bows will cover up the bang piece...
I don't know...I can't decide and I don't even have the bows yet cause I need to go to the craft store...and gosh I hope that they have the perfect lavender ribbon that I need. Sorry I know this post is ADD and Random but these are the lame things keeping me awake at night.
Making New Connections with Old Friends?
Things happen, people change, and then one day you find yourself on facebook being messaged by someone you have literally not talked to in years. That person is not only messaging you, but they are messaging you with a private joke that only the two of you can really appreciate properly.
You exchange pleasantries and the whole "what have you been doing all these years" stuff. Then they drop a major bomb. Even though you have been living separate lives for nearly 8 years...you ended up being into the same things, and living the same lives. Then you realize how stupid you've been.
Every moment that I was sitting around wishing that I had a close friend to share some silly joke with, or having a good cry with, or when I wrote a poem that only they would enjoy...I had to live with the fact that I had been the one to push that person away. I don't really have a lot of close girlfriends. Girls are high maintenance friends. You have to make sure that they are having fun, comfortable with your life, sharing in your interests, and that you can share your feelings and they can share theirs. Anything else...you gotta keep them at arms length and just talk from time to time.
This friend that I am talking about...I never should have pushed her away. We should have talked about our issues and gotten over them instead of building the great wall of china between us. We could have been a great support for each other but instead we ended up just living our parallel lives separately.
Im going to open up my life to her and she seems to want to be my friend. Second Chances are such an amazing thing. I think i'm gonna do this right this time.
You exchange pleasantries and the whole "what have you been doing all these years" stuff. Then they drop a major bomb. Even though you have been living separate lives for nearly 8 years...you ended up being into the same things, and living the same lives. Then you realize how stupid you've been.
Every moment that I was sitting around wishing that I had a close friend to share some silly joke with, or having a good cry with, or when I wrote a poem that only they would enjoy...I had to live with the fact that I had been the one to push that person away. I don't really have a lot of close girlfriends. Girls are high maintenance friends. You have to make sure that they are having fun, comfortable with your life, sharing in your interests, and that you can share your feelings and they can share theirs. Anything else...you gotta keep them at arms length and just talk from time to time.
This friend that I am talking about...I never should have pushed her away. We should have talked about our issues and gotten over them instead of building the great wall of china between us. We could have been a great support for each other but instead we ended up just living our parallel lives separately.
Im going to open up my life to her and she seems to want to be my friend. Second Chances are such an amazing thing. I think i'm gonna do this right this time.
Friday, May 7, 2010
I broke down...
I broke down and I wrote her. Fuck I didn't know what to even say. I haven't spoken to her since like August...and all of a sudden her myspace flashed up on my screen and I decided to check in...I hadn't in several months. I usually lurk people, but lurking her profile HURTS BAD. There are still pictures of me all over it. Still little captions that say "I love my girlfriend" under pictures of us...it's hard to see it.
Then what is the most telling thing of all? What did I completely miss out on? SHE'S GONNA HAVE A BABY! That's so effing major...so completely major...and im out (trying) living my life like she doesn't exist.
She hurt me so bad...some of the things she said cut me like a million knives...but I couldn't not write and say something. I cared so much for her...shit I still do...but there were sooooo many reasons that we were better apart. I like to fix people and she was broken and liked it. Bottom line. I put my nose in where it doesn't belong and not everyone is looking for someone to save them. I would have given her anything I could have, taken her anywhere I could have, and held her close forever if she had wanted me too. What hurt me the most was finding out that she didn't want that stuff from me.
Im gonna go to bed...this was a little bit much to stomach right now.
Then what is the most telling thing of all? What did I completely miss out on? SHE'S GONNA HAVE A BABY! That's so effing major...so completely major...and im out (trying) living my life like she doesn't exist.
She hurt me so bad...some of the things she said cut me like a million knives...but I couldn't not write and say something. I cared so much for her...shit I still do...but there were sooooo many reasons that we were better apart. I like to fix people and she was broken and liked it. Bottom line. I put my nose in where it doesn't belong and not everyone is looking for someone to save them. I would have given her anything I could have, taken her anywhere I could have, and held her close forever if she had wanted me too. What hurt me the most was finding out that she didn't want that stuff from me.
Im gonna go to bed...this was a little bit much to stomach right now.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Wicked Tea Party Pics
I took a bunch of (really horrible because I was drunk) pictures! I posted them on facebook if you are interested in checking them out...here's the link
WICKED TEA PARTY IMAGES CLICK HERE
Also if we aren't facebook buddies go ahead and add me. If you don't have an obvious photo of yourself please say "Hey it's so-in-so from fetlife" cause I don't tend to add a bunch of people to my facebook.
WICKED TEA PARTY IMAGES CLICK HERE
Also if we aren't facebook buddies go ahead and add me. If you don't have an obvious photo of yourself please say "Hey it's so-in-so from fetlife" cause I don't tend to add a bunch of people to my facebook.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Suck That Hallmark!
My mom wrote me the sweetest birthday poem ever! I wanted to share it with everyone who may not have seen the post on my facebook page. AWWWWW
Your birthday is so memorable-from day 1 for me.
You're little face starting grinning before the world you would see.
You nuzzled in so close-for feeding time was mine-
I nutured you from birth-until this 29.
Some pain is heir apparent-
for any caring parent.
But each day you grow more beautiful inside and out
even from ...day 1-you met the world with a shout.
You don't give in nor do you give up
herefore you will some day win a beautiful Golden Cup.
Ribbons in your hair
ribbons for dancing and twirling in the air.
An award winner from birth to today
I am so proud of you I must say.
My love grows stronger darling and don't forget this fact
I love you unconditionally and that is that!!!!
Happy birthday darling-keep up the good job.
Your birthday is so memorable-from day 1 for me.
You're little face starting grinning before the world you would see.
You nuzzled in so close-for feeding time was mine-
I nutured you from birth-until this 29.
Some pain is heir apparent-
for any caring parent.
But each day you grow more beautiful inside and out
even from ...day 1-you met the world with a shout.
You don't give in nor do you give up
herefore you will some day win a beautiful Golden Cup.
Ribbons in your hair
ribbons for dancing and twirling in the air.
An award winner from birth to today
I am so proud of you I must say.
My love grows stronger darling and don't forget this fact
I love you unconditionally and that is that!!!!
Happy birthday darling-keep up the good job.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Special Thanks
Special Thanks to all of my amazing party guests!
1. Ric My love!
2. Janice
3. Xaea
4. Mia
5. Michael
6. MDR
7. Faye
8. Bio
9. Justin
10. Josh
11. Czar Jay
12. Lady Jenna
13. Sobe
14. Jeremy
15. Barbara
16. Recca
17. Chris
18. Tyler
19. Miles
20. Jake
21. Danielle
22. Adam
23. Amber
24. Amanda
25. Jen
26. Britney
27. Mike J
28. Lance
29. Dano
30. Shawn
31. Shawn's cute chick friend who's name I didn't catch
32. Scathe
33. Sarah
34. Paul
Also I want to thank all of the residents of Cypress Mill Court for being understanding and not being lame and calling cops. To the Brunswick Police for staying away. I want to thank my father for all the christmas lights for the back porch. The mushroom decorations were made by Xaea and Mia, I helped but not much. The "Drink Me" tags were printed by Xaea and if you need something cool screen printed let me know and I will direct you to her!
Special thanks to Czar Jay and Lady Jenna and also to Dano and Shawn for lending a hand and bringing the pain! Epic!
Thank you to everyone who had to travel from afar to be with me...I wanted you all to know that you didn't go unnoticed! I remembered everyone that was there! All 34 of you! Crazy Times!
1. Ric My love!
2. Janice
3. Xaea
4. Mia
5. Michael
6. MDR
7. Faye
8. Bio
9. Justin
10. Josh
11. Czar Jay
12. Lady Jenna
13. Sobe
14. Jeremy
15. Barbara
16. Recca
17. Chris
18. Tyler
19. Miles
20. Jake
21. Danielle
22. Adam
23. Amber
24. Amanda
25. Jen
26. Britney
27. Mike J
28. Lance
29. Dano
30. Shawn
31. Shawn's cute chick friend who's name I didn't catch
32. Scathe
33. Sarah
34. Paul
Also I want to thank all of the residents of Cypress Mill Court for being understanding and not being lame and calling cops. To the Brunswick Police for staying away. I want to thank my father for all the christmas lights for the back porch. The mushroom decorations were made by Xaea and Mia, I helped but not much. The "Drink Me" tags were printed by Xaea and if you need something cool screen printed let me know and I will direct you to her!
Special thanks to Czar Jay and Lady Jenna and also to Dano and Shawn for lending a hand and bringing the pain! Epic!
Thank you to everyone who had to travel from afar to be with me...I wanted you all to know that you didn't go unnoticed! I remembered everyone that was there! All 34 of you! Crazy Times!
How it Feels to be 29
I feel amazing!
I had an epic party last night. All day long I have been having to fight back emotional tears of joy. I have amazing friends and they showed me last night exactly how they feel. Everything went perfectly and I couldn't have asked for more (well maybe more punch LOL but ummm there was 2 gallons of hunch punch and that was QUITE plenty).
A lot of my friends from Jacksonville made the trip up here, and even some of my friends from Warner Robins came! They drove almost 4 hours to see me! I really can say that I felt so special surrounded by everyone. I literally felt the love.
At one point in the night I was taken to the front of the party, bent over our bar, and given 30 lashes from my lovely husband. I thought I was through...but then all the party participants got to come up one by one and get one in. Mike J even got me good with his stick LOL...in complete 70's pimp attire.
I couldn't have asked for a better Mad Hatter than Lance...or was that Splash? Only he knows the answer to that one! Im pretty sure that Lance had left the building at some point...hehehehe! Nothing major was broken. We had one epic puke...but I didn't have to clean it up. Everyone ate, drank, and well they were either merry or they were in some kind of pain driven ecstasy that they completely begged for hehehe.
Originally I hadn't planned on the party being a fetish play party, but that's what it kinda melted into. Everything stayed moderate, and the vanillas learned that they were definitely vanilla LOL. Lots of people made new friends, some people made new connections with old friends, and some people learned that maybe they still had some connections that they thought they had lost at one time. It was a beautiful thing to watch.
In my life I have thrown some outrageous parties. All of them have been different in many ways. I have to say, however, this party is one that I will always remember. It's probably the last party I will ever throw in Brunswick, in the best pad we have ever lived in. Definitely the biggest head count for a house party. Least amount of drama...and definitely the most love and solidarity I have ever felt from a party crowd.
To everyone that attended...thank you...from the bottom of my heart you guys are amazing!
I had an epic party last night. All day long I have been having to fight back emotional tears of joy. I have amazing friends and they showed me last night exactly how they feel. Everything went perfectly and I couldn't have asked for more (well maybe more punch LOL but ummm there was 2 gallons of hunch punch and that was QUITE plenty).
A lot of my friends from Jacksonville made the trip up here, and even some of my friends from Warner Robins came! They drove almost 4 hours to see me! I really can say that I felt so special surrounded by everyone. I literally felt the love.
At one point in the night I was taken to the front of the party, bent over our bar, and given 30 lashes from my lovely husband. I thought I was through...but then all the party participants got to come up one by one and get one in. Mike J even got me good with his stick LOL...in complete 70's pimp attire.
I couldn't have asked for a better Mad Hatter than Lance...or was that Splash? Only he knows the answer to that one! Im pretty sure that Lance had left the building at some point...hehehehe! Nothing major was broken. We had one epic puke...but I didn't have to clean it up. Everyone ate, drank, and well they were either merry or they were in some kind of pain driven ecstasy that they completely begged for hehehe.
Originally I hadn't planned on the party being a fetish play party, but that's what it kinda melted into. Everything stayed moderate, and the vanillas learned that they were definitely vanilla LOL. Lots of people made new friends, some people made new connections with old friends, and some people learned that maybe they still had some connections that they thought they had lost at one time. It was a beautiful thing to watch.
In my life I have thrown some outrageous parties. All of them have been different in many ways. I have to say, however, this party is one that I will always remember. It's probably the last party I will ever throw in Brunswick, in the best pad we have ever lived in. Definitely the biggest head count for a house party. Least amount of drama...and definitely the most love and solidarity I have ever felt from a party crowd.
To everyone that attended...thank you...from the bottom of my heart you guys are amazing!
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