Why am I being so hard on myself?

Um it's summer time...im a college student...and that means I don't have to go to school. So why do I feel like I am not doing something I should. I have felt really rotten the past few days and have been sleeping much more than I normally do...only to leave me feeling really shitty about it now.

My job that I got...well let's just say that it didn't work out. It was exactly what I thought it would be...only the training process was really frustrating and more a trial my fire than a training and I would have been fine with that but I was hired as management and in a corporate environment you have to actually KNOW things to be promoted and work as a manager. Then the hours were kinda eh...lame and not really worth it. Working three hours four days a week? Then...The hours started to collide in a bad way with Ric's schedule...one week of it and we were both like...is this really gonna be worth it? We voted no.

So it wasn't for me...that's not really a bad thing. Not every job is gonna work out. It sucks that at the moment it was my only real prospect...but in the grand scheme of things it's probably better to find out it wasn't gonna work now...rather than later. I just kinda feel like I have given up on a lot this summer...

But really, what is a full time college student expected to do over the summer? This is the first summer that I have had off...it's kinda...overwhelming. I feel like all I do is sit around and veg out. Which trust me...it's nice to not have deadlines, papers, and tests around every bend...but damn! Without those things my life has kinda become...boring.

Thank God for Heather...she's been keeping me sane. SecondLife has given me something to do...but I am sad that I know come September im going to have very limited time on SL to really play.

My Fall Semester is CRAZY im taking 5 classes. 4 Academic classes and a P.E. I know...im nuts...but I am so ready to get all of this crap behind me. I needed to take Statistics but all the classes were at night and it's really hard for me to go to my night classes...I get home and never wanna go back. I only have one night class a week in the Fall and it's Theater Appreciation...i'll WANT to go to that. I love performing arts! After this semester the only core classes i'll have left are World Lit and Statistics! I have been trying to get into World Lit with Professor Dewart but she only seems to be teaching that on the web. Maybe I should stop by her office in the fall and find out what her plans are for Spring cause I have to get that class taken care of. Im pretty sure that i'll be able to walk at Commencement. I may get a dummy diploma LOL but that's ok. I'll just have to see...I never talk to my adviser LOL it's weird because he's the head of the Psych department and I never took from him. I took from Dr. Bluhm and Dr. Stevens and they were excellent!

Anyway...im bullshitting and stuff at this point...I just hadn't had a Journal blog in quite some time and I felt like it was time. Im sure I will check in later on in the month and let you guys know what's up. Until then enjoy my random quotes and pics and tweets and other tumbls that I post.

Down in the Dumps

I have been pretty miserable lately. I have been sick since Saturday...things around the house have been really really horrible for me. My roommate hasn't been paying her part of the rent and it's making things really hard for Ric and I. We don't have anyone but each other to fall back on, and it seems like nothing seems to be going right for us.

I had...well technically still have...I think a job at Taco Bell, but it doesn't look like im gonna be able to keep it. My health is taking it's yearly nose dive...which sucks that it's happening during the summer. Luckily im not in school cause I can hardly get out of bed and im in so much pain that I pretty much cry myself to sleep at night...when I actually get to sleep before the night is over.

I miss doing portrait photography a whole lot...I just don't really know anyone who wants any pictures taken...well at least anyone local...

I guess you could say that I am officially down in the dumps.

Tila Tequila Needs Help

Normally I don't post about celebrities on my blogs. Mostly because I think there are plenty enough of those sort of blogs anyway. However, I was just reading something that made chunks rise up in my throat. It isn't every day that I actually feel deeply CONCERNED for any celebrity person. I have been following Tila Tequila since before she had her show on MTV. I thought she was cute and her blogs were always really funny. Her show was insane...but she came off as genuine and really fun.

Right now however, im going to have to say that I think that she really needs help. She has apparently been keeping a celebrity news blog. I decided to check it out and what I found was fairly common...until I came to her post about celebrities and the New World Order.

At first I laughed as she was talking about videos being blatant forums for satanic worship. I could understand her feeling that way about the Gaga video...but I think that was more just Gaga trying to continue to shock us. But apparently Rhianna, Beyonce, Miley Cyrus, and basically all of MTV are in league with the devil. She went on to further say that she was an angel sent here from God to fight the evil of the world(keep in mind one page before this she posted pictures of herself in a see through lace bra and underwear set). Anyone who is popular right now is a satan worshiping member of the Illuminati in her mind...oh and the one that tripped me out the most...the Illuminati killed Michael Jackson because he wouldn't be a part of their brainwashing scheme any more. Her reason for thinking this is because of a LATOYA JACKSON (that's credible) interview, and a picture of Joe Jackson with a bedazzled cow skull.

Laugh if you want to...cause honestly it is a little big silly...but I really think that Tila might be into some serious drugs. I quit following her on Twitter a while back because every time I logged in my feed would be flooded with her paranoid delusions and her "Tila Army" call to arms posts. It was just too much. Anyway... I know that I am only one voice...and I know that my voice is small and so very "east coast" but could someone in LA please go check on this girl and make sure that she is alright? Dr. Drew? Don't you have a spot in your celebrity rehab for her? She needs help!

Burned...

I am a really patient person. I genuinely care about my friends, and when someone does them wrong...if I can help them I will. Recently I took in my friend who had some really tragic stuff go on in her relationship. Violent things...I won't extrapolate because it isn't my business to talk about in my public blog. It was so hard to see her and her child being depressed. Being there and talking to her while she cried. Holding her on a few occasions.
I really felt like I built her back up, gave her confidence. She had been seeing a guy for a little while...and yea it didn't exactly work out but you know...they don't always work out. I have watched her kinda just spiral downward because of all of this and I honestly feel bad for her. The shit that has happened to her nobody really deserves. I have actually LOST SLEEP over her condition.
So today I got home from hanging out with a friend and she informed me that THAT GUY THAT FUCKED HER UP WAS IN HER ROOM. Not only that but that he was staying the night.

So wait...I held you while you cried over the things that you went through with this guy...I have been cleaning up after you and your child, feeling sorry for you, listening to you talk about how crappy your life is...and you are gonna bring THIS DUDE IN MY FUCKING HOUSE? I didn't even know what to say. Im over having altercations with people and fighting about shit so I just said that it wasn't ok and I went upstairs...only to get frustrated and leave shortly after that to come here and blog cause my internet is off at the house.

I feel kinda burned you know? Like all of that care I gave her was FOR NOTHING. All the concern and worry and you are just gonna go back to him? It's not my business...but it is my house. That FELON is not going to be allowed back in my house again. She is welcome to stay, and I actually want her to stay in my house and prosper and move on...but that is just not kosher.
I know that the rate that abuse victims actually go back to their abuser is pretty high...but I thought that the extreme that this situation got to was enough. UGH.

Rough weekend...

So I spent a lot of time at home this weekend just kinda vegging out and trying to relax. I was totally going to party it up...but I just couldn't get up the motivation to do it. I have felt really bad and been sickish and just not in the mood to do anything. My car was a little bit jacked up after I had the fuel filter replaced but that has since been fixed...and now it's working great again. It was quite the frustrating event...and it ended up costing me like 30 dollars in leaked gas. So not awesome.
So if anyone was wondering what happened to my Fashion Friday that I was planning that is what was up. I had a rough day Friday and it just kept on coming. I am going to keep on trucking though and do the first Fashion Friday this Friday.

In other news im starting to get a little bit stressed out about this move to Jacksonville...oh and school starts back June 7th.