...I can't sleep

I feel like a kid the night before a trip to disney or something. Is it Saturday yet????

Last Day of Classes!

Woooooooo!

I have two finals next week but today is the last day of classes. Im so stoked! Bring on the summer.

Still haven't made a final decision about summer classes. I don't know if I want to drop them or not. I have to make that decision in the next week.

Birthdays

I'll be turning another year old in under a week...and I think 29 is a place I will get comfortable and sit in for a few years actually. I don't want to have to say that im 30 yet. I am celebrating my Birthday pretty much all week long doing various things and of course wearing my favorite Tiara! So bare with me this week because I am always an obnoxious demanding twit at my birthday. It's always seemed like the best time of the year for me to channel the Veruca Salt! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY BITCHES!!! YAY! Now im off in search of ice cream for breakfast! YAY!

Thanks Mia aka Peepchick for this uber cute rendition of me as an easter peep! I love it!

Sunday Activity Journal

I actually got out and walked for 30 minutes. I also did some arm work on my rope thingy that I rigged to a tree. I need to start doing crunches and lunges and stuff like that. Dinner wasn't the most healthy. I had a hamburger. Lunch was Ramen Noodles...we're kinda broke right now.

Activity Report for Saturday

I actually felt bad...like REALLY BAD all afternoon. I ended up sleeping a lot...but when I woke up I went outside and did some arm work and then swept off the deck which was enough to make me break a sweat. We have a pretty big deck...hahaha

Dinner was healthy.

Grilled Chicken with Heinz 57 sauce
Green Beans
Scalloped Potatoes

Then I effed it all up and got a hot fudge sundae at Sonic...you win some you lose some right?

Activity Summary

Milled about the yard cutting weeds, ran up and down stairs a million times, and jumped into my freezing cold pool naked. Walked to the end of the road to put up a yard sale sign...sure it wasn't exercise but it was something.

I also ate a very healthy balanced meal.
Beef Sausage
Spinach
Shells and white cheddar cheese
Warm apples with cinnamon and sugar.

All portioned out on a school lunch tray. Not too bad...

Pulling together my Birthday Look.

Please forgive my very 3rd grade art skills LOL...I just committed to pulling together my look sheet for my birthday party costume. I have all the pieces cut out and ready to sew but the pink and purple petticoat is done. The tutu is by Lip Service and I think my bday is a great opportunity to whip it out. The arm fluffies are made and I have had the purple leg fluffies. Im pretty excited about this outfit...oh and thanks to my lovely friend Kathie my hair is currently in a pot on low on the stove becoming a lovely shade of pink. I already have the purple.

This outfit is gonna be pretty damn epic!

I know why now...

I know why God made me all broken an unable to have kids...cause I would probably go to jail. I have no patience for this kid's antics these days. I don't understand...when I was in Kindergarten I loved going to school! Why is it a fight every morning?

Photography Sale

Introducing the "Take advantage of Jan Wicked Cause She's Broke" sale. If you book with me for this weekend or next weekend i'll do your shoot, your edits, and put all images on a CD for you for 25 bucks. This is normally a $200 shoot for all of that. Get with me TODAY if you are interested...we can book for the weekend!

Thinking about taking diet and exercise seriously

So last Thursday I blew out my knee. It was stupid and it shouldn't have happened. Im convinced that if I was a normal weight that it wouldn't have happened...but it did. It has made me start thinking seriously about what I can do to get my weight down. I have tried a lot of different methods and none of them seem to be decent...and I have a lot of trouble motivating myself to work out...but I need to do something. I don't want to be like this the rest of my life.
A friend of mine in Jax has recently lost 30 lbs and she looks great and I think that I am going to make that my goal. If I lost 30 lbs I think I would fit into my clothing better, that I would be able to work out easier, and overall things will just be easier. I'll be able to get into the habit of walking a lot more now that there is extended sunlight at night. I think it will be good for me...and im planning a route that will take me past Starbucks so that I can grab an iced green tea...that will help out as well.
I know that exercise is my problem...I don't over eat...im just not active enough. I'll get there...I just have to commit to doing it. Im gonna start tomorrow and i'll use this blog as a way of tracking what I am doing. Im going to be honest and candid about it...and if I ever say "I slacked off" or "I got lazy" I give you the reader the permission to rip me a fucking new one.

Now off to bed for me. Time for Real Housewives and the aftershow...ahhh my crack!

Haters on YouTube.com

Middlesex

In life we have our friends. When we get really close, sometimes our friends can feel a little bit like family. We check on them, hurt when they hurt, tell them we love them etc. Often times a deep friendship will cross over the line and become an intimate relationship. Something with a title, commitment, trust, and I suppose something to live up to. But what about that in between space?
Is there a hole with nothing in it between a friendship and a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship? If so...how do you know if that's where you are with someone, or if that is even an alright place for you to be?
Last year I had something like this with someone. I didn't know what to call it, so I didn't call it anything. I later discovered that this was probably a giant mistake, because we didn't feel the same way about each other. Maybe it's because I was married and afraid to put a title to another relationship...even if he was aware and involved in the evolution of this friendship. Perhaps it was because I sensed that maybe she wasn't really prepared to put a title to it. In any case it was different than just a friendship.
I think I want to call this place middlesex. It's kinda like that if you think about it. It isn't a friendship anymore, cause there's something making it more intimate. Maybe that "thing" is sex, or simply sexual tension...or maybe it's gotten "sexual" but there hasn't been any sex. In any case this place is complicated to say the least.

They gave me pills for my bills

So lately I have noticed a rise in people taking pills...seems like everyone I know is on some kind of fucking pill. I watch people...completely amazing people hit a rock bottom I never suspected they would all over a high. What is even more painful about it is that a lot of the people I watch destruct have DOCTORS that will back up their addiction by continuing to fill perscriptions and give refills.
You know things are bad when 6 year old children talk about it...I almost cried when I heard this child talking about how her grandmother used to take a lot of pills. What the hell do 6 year olds know about taking a lot of pills? Why?

This town is turning into a fucking drugged out wasteland. Generally you had to worry about people smoking crack or doing heroin. Now people are literally DYING from taking pills their doctors are giving them!

Anyway...I just wanted to talk about it cause it's annoying me lately.

INFERNAL DOLL FACTORY IMAGES

If you are looking for my Infernal Doll Factory pics you can find them at http://wickedarts.janwicked.com I have them above in my photostream as well but it will only show 200 images at a time so you can't see all the images...just the last 200 I have taken. All of the images that I have taken thus far are in an album at my newest site and please guys...that is where I am going to be hosting images from now on. Myspace finally censored me enough to piss me off. There are some great photos so far!

Nice Weekend Away

I spent the weekend in Jacksonville with my friend Laura and her crazy family. It was such a nice get away. I kinda wish that I could have just stayed there and never had to come back to this town. I felt my heart sink and the world just got very heavy when I walked into my house. It's been like that for a while now. Everything was messy...two sinks full of dishes. Middle island was cluttered with garbage and junk, there was a layer of dirt on the floor. Just walked into a disaster. Thank god for the pain pills cause I just didn't have to think about it.
Friday night I went to Forbidden State with the Infernal Doll Factory. It was super fun and I had the opportunity to find out that a lot of my Jax friends are going to make it to town to my birthday party and that makes me feel happy...amazingly special...and super blessed. Saturday Laura's family was going to Orlando, and while I could have gone with I decided that it was probably better if I just stayed in Jax. I went to my friend Jason's house and spent the day and evening with him and his girlfriend Missy. It was relaxing...and that was probably a good thing. Then we got ready and went out to the club for his gig. He was spinning at a swinger party. I haven't ever been to a swinger party but everyone there seemed to be having a great time. It was fun to hear some of the top 40 songs I like in spanish too. The theme was Latin Night so there was a lot of Latin music played. Jason even gave me a CD of tunes...Im gonna rip them into my I-Tunes here in a minute. Loves it!
Then Sunday was the Jacksonville Kinkster's picnic. I got to meet a bunch of people that I have been talking to online. It was kinda fun just being there also. I don't typically enjoy being in the outdoors...but Jay even convinced me to play frisbee! I think getting outdoors and doing active things is something I would like to do more often.
I hurt my knee sometime last week and im currently having to limp around. Im hoping that I just pulled something and that it will stop hurting soon. I was really ready to get out and start enjoying the sunshine and then BAM! Hurt my effing knee.
Anyway...it was really a great weekend. Now im back home and in school mode. Got an exam tomorrow that I can't afford to do poorly on.

Dumb Rhyme I made up

So I was challenged to write a poem about myself in a positive way. This is what I came up with. Kinda funny.


My name is Jan Wicked
and I don't do drugs
I don't copy other people
or wear skirts with uggs
I wear a lot of black
and I look kinda gothic
but I don't buy my shit
from fucking hot topic
I have a new attitude
and I have a new game
if you ask anyone around
yea they will tell you the same
That girl Jan Wicked
is a weird ass freak
She makes weird videos
about eating bloody peeps
but Im just being myself
nothing wrong my schtick
cause deep down I know
I am one bad ass chick

I found my new home!!!!

I found the place I want to live in Jacksonville! It's PERFECT! In a big building in downtown. They accept cats. They have an exercise room and washer's and dryers in every apartment. I bet it's walking distance from a Starbucks...epic. LOL So now that I know where I want to live I just need to work on saving money and helping Ric find a great job...and I am going to have to work to support a place at this cost as well. Good news is that we won't need to pay for cable and internet because the building has wifi so that's one bill down. We don't have to watch TV...

I guess I need to start looking into some places to work. I might actually try and get into working at Starbucks. They have good benefits and I am already a pretty good Barista.

OOOOOHHHHH Im sooooo excited!

When Easter's Over

Starting to Say Goodbye

Ric and I walked through what parts of Neptune Park you can walk through this evening. I smelled the air, absorbed the surroundings...it's a place here that I can say I have honestly always loved. When it's tourist season and busy, it's fun and it has a unique sort of energy to it. When it's off season and deserted it's got a calm that can't be described. We had the entire pier to ourselves. It was one of those amazingly clear, cool, breezy nights that I literally could have walked forever.
We talked about how weird it was going to be to come back to visit St. Simons Island after we leave and move to the city. How things that we might take for granted are going to finally seem lovely and relaxing.
Mostly right now this town seems like a suffocating vice. Like somewhere we are "just stuck" not a place we actually want to be. I think, however, once we leave...it will be different. I think when we come back to visit my Mother and our remaining few friends, that it will be kinda fun. Like eating at a weird mom-an-pop diner on the side of a country road. Just enough to relax and kick back...but not so much that it bores you.
I can honestly say that I can't wait for September, but I can also say that im scared. I have never really lived anywhere else...cept for that time in Washington and we know how that turned out...But I think that Ric and I will do better in the city. I think I will finally be able to spread my wings a little and that I won't have to worry so much about "finding people like me." I'll be able to say...wow im kinda bored...I think im gonna go do something...and there will actually be a "something" to go do.
After I establish residency i'll be in a much better school...even if UNF isn't the school of my choice, I can get a better education there than where I am. Im excited about seeing where CCGA goes though. I think they are on the right path.
Mostly I am just excited about being able to be closer to the new friends that I have made. I said that one of my goals this year was to make new friends, and I have, but unfortunately I made them all in another town (ooops). I think Jacksonville will change me a lot. I think being in a city will motivate me to keep up...rather than to just be who I am here. Im not trying to say that im the shit or anything...but I feel like my average is enough here to be extraordinary...but that's not saying much. In Jax my average isn't going to be shit. Busy city full of busy people working hard to achieve. Here you have a laid back city with laid back people who don't have to work hard because their money does that for them. It's kinda hard to live in a town like this when you don't have the money to be one of those "laid back" people.
I guess that I have finally committed to the fact that this move is absolutely happening...and so now im taking my time now to really get to know every thing about this city and do things that I have never done. It won't take long but I definitely have a list.
Jan's List of Brunswick Things To Do:
Go to the top of the lighthouse
Kayak from the mainland to the island through the marsh
Visit every small gallery and museum no matter how lame
Eat at Sandcastle Grille and Dressner's Cafe
Ride on the lame trolley tour
Ride a horse on the beach
Ride in a horse buggy at the village in the summer with Ric and make out

Random Events

So my Roommate's little girl had her 6th birthday today, and her grandmother bought her an above ground pool. It had never occurred to me to put a pool back there, but the yard space was just the right size. Of course it's like a 4ft deep pool so it's nothing to swim laps in...but it will be really nice to have this summer.
I love it when I can benefit from other people's fortunes.

Moving To The City

So I discussed my displeasure with living in town with Ric last night. We decided that the only way to really keep our lives going in an upward and positive direction is to live in a town that matches the pace of our lives. Living in Brunswick has been holding us back for quite some time now.
We have made some tentative plans for moving. We know we are going to need the money we put down here as a deposit. So we can't actually move until September. I am going to enroll in all web classes for Fall semester next year, and spring also if I haven't found a job by then. Mostly so that I don't loose my student aid before I have a job, because once I have a job I am going to be taking a year off to establish residency in Florida. I'll transfer to UNF once I am a Florida resident and finish my degree. Im hoping to work directly as a councilor for a few years in a mental health hospital before finally joining a private practice. The year off that I take I hope i'll be able to work in mental health in some facet. I am also going to spend that time writing my book that I talked about in my last post.
Another thing I am wanting to do is focus more on my body. I want to get into better shape and take my last final stabs at Entertainment. I think I should work in entertainment and get it out of my system or I will always wonder what could have happened. I know that im too short to be a model and probably too fat to do anything else...but I would like to try and see what I can get. I have realized lately that I am missing the stage...I NEED to get back into theater in some way.
I have a lot to think about I guess...but I wanted to post about it because im excited. It seems like ten thousand years away...but it's not even a whole year!

Let's Talk About Sexy Baby!

I like sex and I am very liberal about my beliefs on sex...however I am not into being a whore. Flirting, being silly, kissing...these things don't mean that I want to drop my panties and crawl into bed with someone ever. I realize that for some people it's hard to separate the sex from the sexual person. The sexual world is a fun place where things are taboo, and we can all stand to visit there from time to time. It's a little hard for me to find any reason that someone wouldn't like sex or sexual things.
I am in the beginning phases of a book about sexual sensitivity and learning to be "desensitized" about sex...and what that means for your life and your future. So far what I have are just some notes and ideas, but I am going to be looking for people to interview about sex...people from all walks of life. I suppose I am inspired by Alfred Kinsey...but I doubt it will be as difficult to get people in 2010 to talk about sex. What I think will happen is that I will discover that people actually LIKE to talk about sex and are going to WANT to get together in groups where it's alright to talk about sex. I probably will not be starting the sex talks until after the summer. If you are interested in participating please get in touch with me so that I can keep you in mind.
Anyway...I promised news about new projects didn't I? hehehehe
xoxo-Jan

New and Improved

The internet world is turning it's back slowly on Myspace.com. There are too many hackers, spammers, viruses, and just generally bad things going on for me to continue to use that site. Im also trying to pull away from social networking a bit. Im getting older and it is time that I start acting my age online LOL. So I am starting this new blog and I hope that my readers from Myspace will gravitate here. I will try and cross post for a while, but I think that I will eventually end up leaving the Myspace blog just like I evacuated Livejournal.
My Myspace pages for personal and business pursuits will remain up, and I suppose that I will check them from time to time...however my new pursuits will be here at blogspot. Of course I will remain an active twitter microblogger as well as having a facebook presence. My photography will now be featured EXCLUSIVELY at wickedarts.janwicked.com I realize that my webpage building skills are not amazing...and I don't have the money to pay a webmaster so forgive me.

If you are interested in hiring me to do some kind of photography for you www.janwicked.com is the place to look for information. There are links there that can help you find me on other places on the web, as well as a form for you to send me emails that I will get directly to my blackberry so I will respond probably within a few hours depending on how busy I am. So welcome to my new blog! Im excited and planning to use this as an outlet for more interesting blogging.