Photography...

So the past few years have seen me walking away from photography...coming back...walking away again...it's been a whirlwind. My art is something that I am very passionate about, and with passion comes moodiness. I have been laying awake at night thinking about all of the amazing opportunities that have been passing me by. Why is it that I can't seem to take myself seriously as a photographer? It's obvious that everyone around me does!

I used to sit by myself under the stairs in High School and think about what my life would be like if people knew who I was and cared about my art, music, and writing. I thought about how it would make me feel. How fulfilled my life would be. I never once thought that the praise and recognition would make me feel uneasy. I almost feel as if sometimes I have something to prove. What's funny is that some people will see my horrible work and think it's great. Meanwhile im picking apart my exposure, my focus, and my editing. I don't know why im so hard on myself about it.

Then there's the fact that I am nearing the end of my degree. Completing my education means entering the work force with my psychology degree. Where will that leave me with photography? Furthermore...how much longer am I going to be able to work within the club scene and hold down a serious job.

I know that a lot of people are hobby photographers. Im NOT a hobby photograher. I don't want to take pictures of random stuff. Most of the time when I take nature, still life, or architectural photos it's just to keep refreshing the things that I learned in school. I like to take photographs of people. I like to be PAID to take photographs of people. Sure there are a select few people for whom I would always do work for free...because they are always a joy to work with, beautiful in front of my camera, and always leave me with epic things to add to my portfolio.

hahaha...portfolio.

I am 4 years into this and I have never printed a real portfolio.

I want studio lights! I want backdrops and props. I want better lenses, a speedlight flash...a wireless shutter release...a Bogen or Manfrotto tripod. I want reflectors and barndoors! I want at least 50,000 dollars worth of amazing equipment and a better camera too! If I had all of that stuff...I wonder if that would make me take myself more seriously as a photographer. I wonder if Ansel Adams ever felt the way that I do when he was taking his epic nature photos...like who the hell is ever going to like this stuff?

Im really just rambling on at this point...I hate feeling like this all the time. Blah.

Voodoo Devil Drums

Voodoo Devil Drums
“Ladies in free and drink free all night!”

General info
date: Wednesday, July 14, 2010
time: 09:00 PM to 02:00 AM
where: Endo Exo
address: 1224 Kings Ave
cost: Ladies 21+ Free Guys 21+ $5.00 18-20 Guys and girls $8.00
dress code: Gothic/Industrial or whatever you wish...just keep it sexy!

Description

Jacksonville's Best Industrial Dj's (Alex Pagan And Rob Boggs) Battle for Blood on the Decks ,as The Voodoo Dolls keep you mesmerized with their noir sexy style.!! Always ladies get in free and drink free,Guys $5.00 Jager Bombs $2.00 Draft $2.00 Tecate Cans
Dress in your best Gothic / Industrial attire, Wicked Arts will be on the scene.!!
Guys and Girls 18 to 20* $8.00 Cover
Girls 21 and up Free
Guys 21 and up $5.00 Cover