I broke down...

I broke down and I wrote her. Fuck I didn't know what to even say. I haven't spoken to her since like August...and all of a sudden her myspace flashed up on my screen and I decided to check in...I hadn't in several months. I usually lurk people, but lurking her profile HURTS BAD. There are still pictures of me all over it. Still little captions that say "I love my girlfriend" under pictures of us...it's hard to see it.

Then what is the most telling thing of all? What did I completely miss out on? SHE'S GONNA HAVE A BABY! That's so effing major...so completely major...and im out (trying) living my life like she doesn't exist.

She hurt me so bad...some of the things she said cut me like a million knives...but I couldn't not write and say something. I cared so much for her...shit I still do...but there were sooooo many reasons that we were better apart. I like to fix people and she was broken and liked it. Bottom line. I put my nose in where it doesn't belong and not everyone is looking for someone to save them. I would have given her anything I could have, taken her anywhere I could have, and held her close forever if she had wanted me too. What hurt me the most was finding out that she didn't want that stuff from me.

Im gonna go to bed...this was a little bit much to stomach right now.