Burned...

I am a really patient person. I genuinely care about my friends, and when someone does them wrong...if I can help them I will. Recently I took in my friend who had some really tragic stuff go on in her relationship. Violent things...I won't extrapolate because it isn't my business to talk about in my public blog. It was so hard to see her and her child being depressed. Being there and talking to her while she cried. Holding her on a few occasions.
I really felt like I built her back up, gave her confidence. She had been seeing a guy for a little while...and yea it didn't exactly work out but you know...they don't always work out. I have watched her kinda just spiral downward because of all of this and I honestly feel bad for her. The shit that has happened to her nobody really deserves. I have actually LOST SLEEP over her condition.
So today I got home from hanging out with a friend and she informed me that THAT GUY THAT FUCKED HER UP WAS IN HER ROOM. Not only that but that he was staying the night.

So wait...I held you while you cried over the things that you went through with this guy...I have been cleaning up after you and your child, feeling sorry for you, listening to you talk about how crappy your life is...and you are gonna bring THIS DUDE IN MY FUCKING HOUSE? I didn't even know what to say. Im over having altercations with people and fighting about shit so I just said that it wasn't ok and I went upstairs...only to get frustrated and leave shortly after that to come here and blog cause my internet is off at the house.

I feel kinda burned you know? Like all of that care I gave her was FOR NOTHING. All the concern and worry and you are just gonna go back to him? It's not my business...but it is my house. That FELON is not going to be allowed back in my house again. She is welcome to stay, and I actually want her to stay in my house and prosper and move on...but that is just not kosher.
I know that the rate that abuse victims actually go back to their abuser is pretty high...but I thought that the extreme that this situation got to was enough. UGH.

Rough weekend...

So I spent a lot of time at home this weekend just kinda vegging out and trying to relax. I was totally going to party it up...but I just couldn't get up the motivation to do it. I have felt really bad and been sickish and just not in the mood to do anything. My car was a little bit jacked up after I had the fuel filter replaced but that has since been fixed...and now it's working great again. It was quite the frustrating event...and it ended up costing me like 30 dollars in leaked gas. So not awesome.
So if anyone was wondering what happened to my Fashion Friday that I was planning that is what was up. I had a rough day Friday and it just kept on coming. I am going to keep on trucking though and do the first Fashion Friday this Friday.

In other news im starting to get a little bit stressed out about this move to Jacksonville...oh and school starts back June 7th.

Lookville.com

So...I got this invitation to join this website called Lookville and I was honestly a bit skeptical about it. I didn't really understand why I should join a social network that none of my friends were actually using...but it has been the source of quite a bit of fun for me lately.
Basically you set up a profile...only takes a few minutes. Then you post pictures of either yourself, or models in clothing, and you ask a question. Then it's posted up and anyone can view it and answer your question. It has me thinking a lot more about fashion...which is something I really really like. I think that perhaps im going to start a "Fashion Friday" where I post up things that I think are cute and fun, a new outfit I may have, and/or a makeup tutorial or something.
I get a lot of comments on my fashion all the time. I think I should share some of my stuff online. Obviously most of my stuff will be from a plus size point of view, and it won't be super on trend fashion. It will be my own brand of cool. In anycase...I can't wait to share it with you guys. First post will be on Friday.

In an attempt to be relevant...or at least visable

I now have a web presence on Tumblr. Im still not really sure about the site, but my blog there certainly does look very cool. I like this blogspot because of the ease of post...but I think it will be cool to cross post my blogs here over to tumblr.

Anyway if you happen to be on tumblr and want to follow me, my url is http://janwicked.tumblr.com/
Follow me up...Im gonna go watch Maury Povich! YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER! hahaha

Friendship

Girl world is often times tough to traverse. We have complex emotions, hormone levels that are constantly up and down, and we all expect way too much from each other. Friendships tend to ebb and flow it seems. There are the good times, the bad times, the epic nights, and the epic fights. It seems that all of these things go together to create what we know as a friendship.
Lately I have found that being a friend is much more fun for me than I could have imagined. I had a pretty epic birthday party and I was surrounded by so many amazing friends. Sure there were a few people sprinkled about that were just there to say they were there, but all in all it was a great learning experience. It encouraged me to loosen up and let people in a little bit.
I have had a lot of issues with giving too much of myself and ending up feeling burned by it. I made a commitment to myself about 4 years ago that I was going to stop giving so much and simply live my life for me. It was a 4 year long process of purging myself of toxicity. Bad girlfriends, bad habits, bad choices...all of these things that I felt were dragging my social stock down. I decided that to have good friends, and for people to like me, it was probably best if I liked myself.
Now that I am who I am today, I have been constantly working to make myself better. Can you believe that I actually have had people in my life who think that it is a character flaw that I think im a great person? Obviously these people are not a major part of my life these days. One of the things that I hadn't quite been able to work on was my tendency to kick people out of my life and not talk to them. I have flaws just like everyone, and it's really easy for me (unfortunately) to tell someone if you don't like me you can piss the fuck off...and in most cases people will do exactly that. I have recently had the opportunity to patch things up with a few people. I always look on these chances as a golden opportunity.
I patched things up with a friend of mine that I have had since I was a little girl, and I think that this opportunity came at a good time for the both of us. I have been in desperate need of a good girlfriend that is close by, and some things have been happening in her life recently as well...we both needed each other. I also kinda buried the hatchet so to speak with my...um...girlfriend?...exgirlfriend?...it's hard to say. I found out that she was pregnant and I sent her an olive branch email because I am sure that she is really nervous about it and could use someone that cares about her...and let's face it, I do care about her a lot.
Friendship is hard and it takes a lot of work...some sacrifices...some bartering...and A LOT of compromise. But isn't it just totally worth it?

I haven't posted a blog in a few days...

...and im real sorry...life has just kinda been a dull event. Not much to talk about and not a lot of feelings. I do however have a blog to post up about friendship but I am going to probably wait until later to do that.

Anyone got any B-12? I feel like ballsacks today!

Phuk The Politics 2

Phuk The Politics 2 was a serious blast yet again! For those of you that aren't aware of this party series yet, you seriously need to experience it for yourself. Remember the days when you could walk into a club and before the night was over you had made friendships and connections with people instead of staying stuck in your small group of friends. The day when everyone danced like nobody was watching? Maybe even the days when everything glowed and the beat pulsed, and everyone smiled at you? This is what Phuk The Politics is!

Phukheadz is the vision of Byron Brown of Jacksonville, Florida! His little orange (and sometimes multicolored) men seem to pop up in every corner of the Underground Scene and the mainstream as well. The Loyal Order of Phuk or the L.O.O.P. includes such noteables as Willie Nelson, Cheech, and Juliette Lewis. It also is a who's who of Jacksonville DJ's, Entertainers, and Club Kids alike.
When you receive your phukhead it comes in a box signed by Byron that is also numbered. Byron takes your picture and adds you to the L.O.O.P. and you are a part of a growing family of people dedicated to art and love! For more information check out the social networking pages http://www.facebook.com/phukheadz or http://www.myspace.com/phukheadz